Help! I’m Attracted to My Therapist!
If you’ve ever caught yourself feeling attracted to your therapist, you’re not alone—and you don’t need to feel embarrassed. This is actually a fairly common experience. Therapy is a unique kind of relationship, and the qualities that make it so helpful—warmth, compassion, empathy, and nonjudgmental listening—can sometimes spark feelings of attraction. This doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you or with the therapy. In fact, it can actually be a valuable opportunity to deepen your self-understanding if you’re open to getting curious about it.
Why Am I Attracted to My Therapist?
The therapist-client relationship is unlike any other relationship. Your therapist’s job is to focus their attention entirely on you—your feelings, your needs, your story. Week after week, you sit with someone who listens deeply, responds with care, and offers empathy without expecting reciprocity. The therapeutic relationship is intentionally one-way, and your therapist is there to provide support and care for you, not to seek it for themselves. This is very different from a friendship or romantic relationship, where there is an expectation of mutual care and support. In therapy, your therapist’s job is to hold space for you—to help you feel seen, safe, and understood in ways that may be rare in your daily life.
That level of attention and unconditional acceptance can feel incredibly meaningful, and is a crucial part of what makes the therapeutic relationship conducive to deep inner work and self-reflection. It’s no wonder that, under such circumstances, feelings of attraction to the therapist may arise! Sometimes feeling truly seen and understood by someone can draw us in and make us want to get closer to that person.
The Power of Talking About Attraction
You might feel nervous about admitting that you’re attracted to your therapist, but bringing it up in therapy can be incredibly valuable. Therapists are trained to handle these conversations with sensitivity, and together you can explore what your feelings might mean—whether they’re connected to longing for emotional safety, unmet needs in other relationships, or some other underlying reason.
Naming your attraction can also relieve the pressure of keeping it secret. Often, just talking about it openly with your therapist reduces the intensity of the feelings and turns it into a rich therapeutic opportunity for you to explore together.
When to Consider a Referral
Most of the time, being attracted to your therapist doesn’t interfere with the work of therapy. But there are situations where it may be appropriate to consider finding a new therapist. If you find that your feelings are so strong that you can’t stay focused on your goals, or that sessions leave you more distracted than supported, it may be time to consider a new therapist.
Another red flag is if your therapist expresses any kind of mutual attraction. Therapists are bound by strict ethical guidelines that require maintaining clear professional boundaries. Crossing that line would compromise your safety and the integrity of the therapeutic process. If that happens, it’s appropriate—and necessary—to find another therapist.
The Bottom Line
Feeling attracted to your therapist isn’t something to be alarmed about. Emotionally Focused Therapists, in particular, are trained to hone into you and your relationship needs. It makes sense that experience would feel good to you. It’s a common, human response to being in a warm, caring, one-way relationship where your needs are the priority. What matters most is how you handle those feelings of attraction. By bringing them out into the open, you and your therapist can work through them together in a way that supports your growth and keeps the focus where it belongs: on your healing and your goals. So don’t let being attracted to your therapist scare you away from therapy! Bringing it up in your next session might just lead to even deeper self-exploration and insight.
