Many people have seen examples of couples counseling in the media. The depictions are often dramatic and some times downright cheesy. At Cycles Couples Counseling, we think this is a shame. Many of these scenes can serve as a deterrent to couples getting real evidence based support for their relationship. Below you will learn more about what makes Emotionally Focused Therapy different than normal couples counseling.

1. EFT Therapists don't give advice.

EFT is different than normal couples counseling portrayals because therapists are not meant to take an expert stance on each argument. Rather than weigh in on the nuts and bolts of the argument-of-the-week, an EFT therapist will look broader at the way you and your partner argue. EFT clinicians think of themselves less as coaches and more as process observers. Through Emotionally Focused Therapy, you and your partner will learn it's the way you two argue that's the problem, rather than the actual content of the argument. EFT therapists believe adults can figure out their issues on their own, what stops them is normally a dysfunctional emotional process. This process is where couples therapists do their work.

2. EFT Requires a certification and formal training

Believe it or not, "couples therapist" is not a regulated designation. This means any one marketing their practice can use that title to label themselves. Unfortunately, under this title someone with 20 years of relational experience or someone with a background of solely individual therapy can look exactly the same to a consumer looking for relationship support. EFT is different than normal couples counseling. Emotionally Focused Therapy has a rigorous certification process which includes over 60 hours of training and is only applicable to therapists who are fully licensed by a state licensure board. In addition to multiple months of training, couples therapists must submit video clips and examples of their work to a supervisor and board for approval. This means they are required to go above just attending trainings, they have to show proof of their mastery of these skills. This process typically takes clinicians at least 2 years post licensure and hundreds of couples therapy hours to complete. There is a significant difference in training, supervision and experience between your normal couples therapist and a Certified EFT Couples therapist.

3. No I statements or worksheets

We've all seen the hokey repeat-after-me I statement exercises and the patronizing communication worksheets. These interventions do very little to empower clients and are often unaccessible at the point of peak panic in a conflict with your partner. EFT knows this. EFT is different than normal couples counseling because it doesn't teach you skill drills or have you do homework. In an Emotionally Focused Therapy session you will get real emotional experience tapping into your vulnerability and sharing with your partner in a way that shifts your connection. EFT helps couples increase their distress tolerance and develop an "emotional muscle memory" that can be accessed the next heated argument. Normal couples therapy teaches surface skills that can only be accessed in the most ideal situations. While a typical couples therapist will teach you skills as an expert where you can academically learn how one could change, an EFT therapist will guide you into corrective experiences with your partner where you can feel the change in your relationship yourself.